Chopin beats & droppin Brahms.

the game of life
September 21, 2009, 11:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The following are examples of what an adult may experience in his or her lifetime:

1. Cohabitating while completing a desired education
2. Marrying and having a commuter-type marriage while developing a career
3. Subsequently divorcing and becoming the custodial parent
4. Eventually cohabitating with another partner
5. Finally, marrying another partner who also has children

Foundations of Nursing in the Community, Stanhope & Lancaster, 2006.

These examples are not uncommon. In fact, some of you may know someone who has been in this situation or know of persons who have been in similar situations.

The reason why I brought this up (partly because I just took the midterm aka cheated death), was because this is the reality of today’s society. The nuclear family has changed. No longer is it Father, Mother, Daughter, Son.

It can range anywhere from father father son, to father stepmother son stepdaughter, to a single-parent households raising 3 children because
a) father won’t pay child support
b) father is in jail
c) mother is a widow

Whatever the case may be, it is almost hard to reach a consensus of what constitutes as a “family.” What was seen as the nuclear family 20+ years ago, is what people strive for today.

But with a divorce rate that’s at 65% (and rising), it’s hard to maintain.

I for one, am part of that percentage.
I usually don’t like to disclose such personal information but I feel that it is relevant to this post. Further, this is a blog and excuse my language but I can pretty much post whatever the hell I want.

Anyway, my parents are divorced. Oh and here’s a twist. My sister and I didn’t find out that they were divorced until 3 months after it was filed.

Can you say shady?

Oh and the best part was, they said that they didn’t want it to affect our grades. As if keeping a secret that the entire family knew before their own children would not be detrimental to their mental health. But I mean, whatever.

This happened roughly 3-4 years ago? Valentine’s day 2007, was the day I found out. (How fitting).

It kinda sucks when you’ve been used to that “nuclear family” idea for so long and 20 years (literally) later, it shatters like a porcelain dish. The life you know becomes the life you knew, and you can’t help but
a) blame yourself
b) blame everyone and everything else
c) think “how the fuck did this happen”
d) think “why couldn’t I do anything about it”

So what happens then? Your roles change. Now you’re not only the daughter, but you’re the liason between two parties, a negotiator, an accountant, a confidant..

Quite honestly I would do anything to be a daughter again, but that’s besides the point.

Point is (and those of you who are the eldest can empathize), you gotta be flexible. You do anything and everything to keep your family functioning and going because you know what?

They’re your family.

And even though you’ve spent a lot of time thinking “how the hell did this get so fucked up?”

Or “what am I going to do?”

You have to understand that family does not stop at the veins and the arteries. Your family does not have to share the same blood.

They are those who make you feel at home, who make you feel safe. The ones who are more than willing to make your bad day feel even just a little bit better.

The ones who will always have your back, even when your world comes crashing down and you have to carry the rubble.

Your family are those who support, nourish, and help you grow to reach your full potential.

And even though they might make mistakes (even big ones. COLOSSAL ONES). They’ll be investing a significant amount of time trying to make it up to you.

Don’t hold on to grudges.
Save your grip for the ones you love.

& I’ll keep saying that until the day I die.

To be continued..


2 Comments so far
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And even at times when your [biological] family

doesn’t make you feel at home
doesn’t make you feel safe or wanted or loved
doesn’t care about making your bad day any better
only has your back so you don’t look bad in public, but chastizes you behind closed doors
doesn’t think they’re making a mistake
and doesn’t think it’s their part to rehabilitate strained relationships

you love them until the day they do those things again.

Comment by Andrea

They’re people you can have faith in, imperfect as they may be, as many times as they fall short of [sometimes reasonable, sometimes unreasonable] expectations. You never look like a fool for believing in your family. And that’s something incredible.

Thanks for letting me share 🙂

Comment by Andrea

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