Chopin beats & droppin Brahms.

Find Your Love
May 12, 2010, 11:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I was raised being surrounded by family. Even though I only had one sister, I grew up with many cousins who served as alternative siblings, and granparents/aunts/uncles who served as subsequent babysitters.

If there’s one thing I’ve been embedded with since probably BIRTH is the central belief that FAMILY is everything. You live, eat, travel, pray, and survive TOGETHER. The family is the unit, the complex, ever-evolving, dynamic force that serves as the core for the human being.

In the fall of ’06 I started my college career at the Mount.  My freshman year’s main focus was to get into the nursing program, and cars were not allowed on campus for first years.. so much of my time was devoted to hitting the books instead of hitting up parties. My main social network remained in the dorms of the Mount, my best friend at UCR, and of course.. my rock.. my family.

The beginning of second semester was a little tumultuous.. Microbio + lab, Physio + lab, supplementary Math courses, one of my best friend’s mothers died of breast cancer, my grandma passed, and my family was experiencing family problems.

My parents are particularly good at working things out so I wasn’t too worried, however when I saw that things were not improving, and solutions weren’t being found.. I began to become distressed.

Then February 14, 2007 I received life-altering news.

A myspace bulletin I posted for my friends to pray for my family resulted in one of my cousins calling me to console me. He asked me if I was okay and if there’s anything he could do to help. The conversation went as follows..

Cousin: I can’t imagine how you would feel right now..
Me: (puzzled) Yeah..
Cousin: I mean they filed for divorce in October
Me: Wait.. WHAT
Cousin: Yeah you didn’t know? Your mom had an affair and your dad filed for —
Me: I have to go..


I ran out of my room, cheeks saturated with tears, and threw myself on the steps of the chapel, wailing into the night sky.

Everything that I had ever known was gone.
Everything that I was taught.. about family,
sticking together no matter what.. was now completely dissolved.

I felt a piece of me shatter as each tear hit the ground.

I thought my parents were better than divorce.
I thought wrong.

Since freshman year of college I’ve been trying to master the art of balance.. spending time with each parent, figuring out exactly how I felt about the entire thing, take care of my sister, and get into nursing school. I couldn’t say it was the easiest thing to do.. try and get the grades when the one thing you cared about most disintegrated before your eyes.

But maybe it was the Mount, maybe it was the friends I made, or the family I have, or maybe it was the grace of God that helped me get this far– to actually graduate college. I’m going to say it was a mixture of all of these things, but I will also say that throughout this entire adventure, I’ve rerouted bridges, and strengthened foundations.

And I can honestly say I’ve been walking on the right path.

Even though the family I knew before 2006 is now gone.. I have made another one.
I have a new and loving stepmother, I still love both of my parents, and although they will probably always detest each other, at least I know they’d come together for my sister and I.

And yes, gatherings such as graduations, performances, and holidays will have their awkward moments..
this, I have realized will be the story for the rest of my life.

I wouldn’t call it dysfunctional. I would definitely call it dynamic,
colorful, and nothing less than interesting.

And as obnoxiously loud as my family can be.. we are incredibly close.
(you see what I did there? You need to read this book!)

The family you have is the family you have.
Be grateful, love them, cherish them, and know they will always be there.

(even if you don’t want them to  be)

I have rediscovered a new meaning to the word “family,”
have been blessed with so many people who have aided me (and will continue to aid me) in this journey.

And I am completely humbled and indebted to them 🙂


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